Chapter 22: The spectral man-bitch from hell throughout history.

Jimmy Beckham stayed in the english countryside for centuries. Over time, he adapted to the local languages and customs. He would pass through towns disguised as a traveler, hire an escort through the woods, murder him and feed on his eyeball juices. He believed that would make him speak more manly. It didn’t. Though, he did manage to amass quite a stock of pelts and undergarments, which he would then sell to shops in local villages. In time, he managed to accumulate a small fortune, which he hid in his various hideouts in the mountains and the forests. Local legends grew of a horrible troll in the groves, one that would magically decieve travelers and mutilate their faces.

 

The local legends were exactly right.

 

As Beckhams years grew on, and he saw how he outlasted the mortals around him, he grew more intricately connected to their cultures, much like the lizard people who had feasted on the misery of the common people and slowly infiltrated their societies and the dawn of humanity, Beckham, clumsily, learned his way through the aristocracies and learned folk, but was often unsuccessful. His demonic tendencies, left him unable of completely understanding the ever changing nuances, and his interpersonal relationships were so few and far between that he never learned the basic tenants of common understandings between people, and his speech was stilted and awkward.

 

Beckham then turned to shows of power and prowess in order to influence the puny humans around him, he would throw boulders, breathe fire, and bellow a high pitched shriek that would shatter the ceramics of the local artisans. This only confirmed the existance of the evil troll to the townspeople who would, predictably surround him with pitchforks and torches, trying to fend him back to his lair.

 

Jimmy Beckham had a powerful temper, and many villages were burned to cinders through such a series of misunderstandings. This is why British people all look far more inbred than they should, because all pure blood brits from a time before the great influxes of migrant populations to britain in the last 2 centuries, then they were drawing from a continually narrowing gene pool having been constantly stomped by Beckhams never-ending rage.

 

Learning through trial and error, Beckham was increasingly cautious about the feats of power he would exhibit, so as not to terrify the puny humans. As he crept through the woods, and ran out of trading routes and random murchants to murder for eyeball juice, he began to sort out the softer feeling fabrics and distinguish himself from the peasants, but not be so noticiable as to be mistaken for a lord or an aristocrat. He balanced between the class systems so that he was always unapproachable. This allowed him to move through society unnoticed, but did not give him a steady income beyond eyeball murder, and his social skills still seemed to be eternally lacking.

 

Then, one day, he saw a group of filthy urchins playing a simple game with a hogs head. The kicked it very hard and then would scream because they broke their foot. Then the local constabulary would haul them off to the butcher and they would be processed into black pudding to power the sewing circles so that they could make warm coats for the children too weak to break their feet on the hogs head.

 

Thats just how things were in England.

 

Beckham, in his rudimentary high-pitched troll squelch, pulled one of his fermented dried pigs bladders, that had aged in the sun. He threw it and nailed a small fat stupid looking child right before he was about to hit the ball. The child reeled back and was stunned, but unharmed. Before the impact, there was an collective yelp, because the brain was the most valuable ingredient in black pudding.e

 

When the child stood back up, awake, but still stupid, he smiled dumbly, but walked off with a strong, unbroken foot stride, away from the drooling constabulary, who now looked disappointed that his fat bounty had walked off.

 

There was an awed hush, and the next boy in line walked up, and looking between the hogs head and the bouncy piss bag, he kicked the obvious choice, and screamed in pain.

 

The constabulary, deflated with this skinny, gamey meat, looked dejected as he hauled the kid away to be disembowled and fed to the delicious pigs. The next child, however, was uncommonly smart. He kicked the bladder, and it soared through the air. The child looked at Beckham stunned, Beckham gave his war cry and the child ran off in the distance, following the bouncing pig bladder.

 

The remaining children of the village, looked at each other, and their two choices, their injured playmate being tied to the alter of monarchical sacrifice, or the boy running in to the sunset, playfully chasing a pigs bladder.

 

After dividing themselves up into the groups that seemed more appealing, they said their final farewells, and ran off, most of them laughing at the emo kids who chose death.

 

There was a now puzzled group of townsfolk, the adults, now, cowering around Beckham. They were unsure what to make of the new phenomenon, let alone the one who had brought it. Nervously, one villager stepped forward, with a hesitant smile, he made a few gestures to Beckham, who responded in his best English, forged by centuries of observation and interaction.

 

“Wow! You made a pigs skull that doesnt hurt your foot, you smell like a bull!”

 

“Foot … bull?”

 

Indeed, this was the beginning of futbol, or as non-communists call it, soccer.

 

The village, naturally, thrived, having all the next children live and manage to be at least not murdered by that particular ritual. The pastime spread through the neighboring towns and became quite popular in comparison to murdering and eating their children, and the vile demonic troll was somehow cast in a brighter light, if only the relative glow of a depraved society.

 

He remained murderous at heart, but had become recognized as a harmless outcast, and would have had difficulty traveling anonymously as he had before. He could no longer murder villagers for their eyeball fluid, and since that was just his own mental folklore that had no bearing on is morality or mortality, it soon faded from his mind as a necessity. Though he did still make it a habit to murder local fauna for fun, but that was pretty much because he was into killing animals, and that just meade him a local legend of one who was a great hunter. The person who had intoduced futbol to them, the same person responsible for the socialism that would infect and destroy their society centuries later.

 

Beckham finally began to feel as though he belonged in a community. He enjoyed being famous without being a prentetious bore or a predictable slob like the rest of artistocracy. He was someone who was just well known, and really only for some simplistic achievements, he was just someone different enough to not be known personally, but enough was known collectively to make for harmless gossip. He was the first British celebrity.

 

This was not without its problems. He was still not personally accepted by any class of society, while they all seemed pleased to meet them, and he could always find accomodation, people always seemed relieved when he was gone. His tiny troll brain, assumed it was because he was a caustic high pitched shrieking man bitch from hell. HE was wrong though, people in britain in that day aand age were too fucking stupid to not die of chronic diarrhea so they were certainly not of the path of enlightenment that would have them be able to recognize other worldly evil when they saw it.

 

On the contrary, they felt his otherworldly resonance as only a measure of their inferiority, their infatuation was that of deification and they could not manage to bring themselves to treat him as an equal.

 

Beckham began to feel truly at odd as the few consistent acquaintances that he did make began to age. The young parents of the original futbol kids began to grow to old men and women, yet he only kept cutting his hair short on the jagged rocks outside his cave. As they began to die off, beckahm founded himself reclusive, not only for the loss of the only people who would tolerate him after centuries in the countryside, but also because he had not aged, because he was being a curiosity and the younger generations shied away from, him. The gossip turned sour, bearing traces of the still lingering legends of evil in the woods. He was, after all, still mutilating animals and leaving their corpses in trails around the villages. Old habits die hard.

 

So, again, he took to the shadows, his clothes faded and he began living back in his abodes in the mountains, in the forests, he also had an underwater cave, that only he could access with his massive death breathing lungs.

 

So he faded from view, and from memory, but he had left his mark. The negative connotation of his later life separating him from the noticeable deeds of futbol and celebrity. These seeds, now planted in the remaining societies, grew and shaped the mediocrity of future britain, all the while sowing the later seeds of socialism that turned them all into a bunch of inbred buck toothed big eared whoremongers.

 

Jimmy Beckham then had created the framework for integrating into society, and in his later pondering, in his deeply underwater cave, he began to think of other activities he could excel at. He was not an expert in the language, and could not understand society or even follow a slightly abstract conversation, so he began to think of his own disruptions.

 

For example, he shot Abraham Lincoln. John Wilkes Booth was just a guy delivering a pizza because Lincoln had the munchies.

 

But England was his home base. He would occasionally leave traces of radioactive material outside prominent scientists dwellings in the hopes it would kill them or make them something worth fighting. For fun, he would grow to a monstrous size and wander along the bottom of the ocean, trying to scare whales and threatening giant squid.

 

Even Jimmy Beckham had a sense of humor.

 

And as he covered the world, killing, and devouring in his insatiable appetite, he watched as the world of puny humans grew. He found he was passable as a worldly Englishman in many far off lands and managed to coast by on his invulnerability and knowledge of making games from fermented animal parts. He became wise to the ways of the world and became a quick environmental adapter. In far off lands he was often confronted, and soon learned not to unleash his demonic man bitch troll power unless he simply could not appear human in his attacks. He murdered many martial arts masters just for the fucking hell of it, just because he could. He was still an asshole piece of Eurotrash, but he also learned how to kick the fuck out of a door.

 

And each time he returned home. He saw the bloodlines merge, he saw the ones he first met as children grow through awkwardness into miserable adult lives, and then die from natural causes.

 

Natural causes today, means dieing in your sleep or shitting blood until you hemorrhage. Back then it meant getting syphillus from a chicken, beaten to death by a ram, or boiled alive in acid stew. The towns flourished, and outside from their occasional terrors, grew and the memories of Beckhams direct influence faded.

 

Beckham, coming from his worldly travels, would take to the rooftops, and listen to the tavern gossip, he would watch the interactions and spy on the peoples daily lives. He recognized a few people as being direct descendents of those he had once known, and watched the rituals. Amongst it, he spotted many popular childrens games that had developed and the various competitions. Beckham knew that he had a way in, he simply needed to reacclimate to the new attires and mannerisms.

 

A Century wiser, he retreated back, and practiced his affectations in the mirror of the ponds in the caves of his mountain habitat, he began to travel through the towns and watch the local sports games. He then retreated to his woodland habitat and practiced his many kicking techniques against the various bladders of the animals he had murdered.

 

And so he sat there again, the time passing immaterially. He kicked and trained and murdered and kicked. He got really good at all those things, especially kicking because he did that twice as much as the training and murdering.

 

What Beckham lacked was the personal touch, he needed better control over the people than simply wowing them with his poor satan troll english.

 

He needed direct control.

 

 

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